you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i think my mom watched the whole time
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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