in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
