You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
