I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
