I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
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You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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