I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
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