i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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