i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
