You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
