4 words: hood of his car
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i came on her dog
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
