just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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