I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
