well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
