Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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