dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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