I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I just forgot I was standing up.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
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