Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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