STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
