So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
