drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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