ya dads aren't the best wingmen
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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