I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
