You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
