The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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