my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
