She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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