my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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