He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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