New low: just hacked my moms facebook
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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