I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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