i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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