when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
