I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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