your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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