dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
