You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
