I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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