I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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