1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
