The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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