I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
