clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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