some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
