Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
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