**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
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How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
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Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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