no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
