Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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