you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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