I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
