I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
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There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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