Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
