It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
there is puke in my bra ... again
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
