So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
