dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize