I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
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