Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Randomize
