it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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