Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
