just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
