Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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