just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
3 2 1 whiskey
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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