u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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