any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
