Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
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