we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
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She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
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he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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