U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
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If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
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I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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