the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
