pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
