i don't like sucking hair
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
